someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
