you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
