I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize