i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
