My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
