Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
