Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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