My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
