I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
