Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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