I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
