I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
