these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
