you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
