i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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