Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
