Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
