He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
