Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
