my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
