well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
