I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize