just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
