hotel room ftw
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
