We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
