My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
