How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
