So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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