I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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