Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
