I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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