I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
