So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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