why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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