and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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