Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
