Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize