Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
