i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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