Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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