hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize