I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
