in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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