Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
