Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
