After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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