I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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