so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
