he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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