I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
