He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize