so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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