You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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