ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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