she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
