Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
