Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

i think i just puked on my phone

(1-315): View more from New York

we live great lives

Fav 10 2207 1065
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(336): View more from North Carolina

i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

Fav 10 6663 1655
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(973): View more from New Jersey

doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...

Fav 18 1101 4854
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(786): View more from Florida

She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

(305): View more from Florida

I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

Fav 18 4236 1912
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(540): View more from Virginia

It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.

Fav 8 2563 1469
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(856): View more from New Jersey

It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...

Fav 4 1575 983
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(360): View more from Washington

I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.

Fav 2 1402 652
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(650): View more from California

have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children

Fav 0 154 221
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(850): View more from Florida

You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?

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