Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
