dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
