I got chris browned last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
40s are totally the cure
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
