frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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