it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
