I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
