the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
