Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
