if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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