Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He? As in you personified your dick?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
