I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
