OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
