grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
