That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
