Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
