I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
