I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
