i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize