I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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