where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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