I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize