i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
