lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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