I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
