I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
