No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
