Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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