i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
