I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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