Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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