Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if only i could text you this smell
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
