i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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