I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
