Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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