Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
